Head of College - Mr Richard Ford
On Tuesday, I shared at Senior School assembly that a highlight for me over last weekend was seeing some of our students courtside cheering on our Year 7 and 8 basketball team as they played in an exciting and challenging finals game.
It is always good to see students getting out and supporting one another, and over the course of this term, I can think of many times I have witnessed students supporting each other in some of the best ways possible.
The College’s Mission is “To develop learners for life who grow every day in every experience with purpose and courage grounded in Christ.” As a College, we want to see students grow.
When I think about growth and what we want to see in students at the College, one of the images that comes to mind is of some of the largest trees I’ve ever seen. These trees were in California and are known as Coast Redwood trees.
Coast Redwood trees often grow to be over 100 metres tall, and a large part of what holds them up is not the depth of their roots; it is that their roots spread out 20 to 30 metres and interlock with the roots of other trees.
What this means is that when large storms or high winds come, these towering trees stay standing and continue to grow.
Just like the Coast Redwood trees whose network of roots helps them to keep growing taller and stronger through the storms that life brings, our hope for each of you as students is that you would connect with a supportive community that helps to hold you up through both the easy days and the hard days.
It is worth noting, though, that even though Coast Redwood trees grow tall and strong and can take a battering from the fiercest of weather, their health can be threatened by factors that usually occur below ground.
There are various diseases that can cause the roots of the Coast Redwood to rot. While this occurs below the surface, it does not take long for foliage to turn brown, branches to droop and for large and vigorous trees to decline in health.
Sadly, it is possible for students who are growing in the best possible way to be impacted by activities that occur around them below the surface or out of sight. These below the surface activities or diseases are less noticeable than a massive storm, but they can also be far more detrimental to a student’s growth or flourishing.
Today, I want to draw your attention to what I consider to be two damaging diseases that exist, largely below the surface in society today and which often can infect, in part, school communities too.
The first disease is the disease of disrespect.
Just like a disease in the roots of a tree, disrespect often begins in small ways but can quickly spread.
One student mocks another, and then another student chooses to join in. All of a sudden, mocking other students starts to feel “normal”.
A student takes a photo of another student without consent, next time it is a video and, just for fun, someone takes the video, manipulates it with AI. Before you know it, not only the school but also external agencies are involved.
A trip of a student in the corridor one day becomes a small kick in the shins around the locker area the next day and then, later that week, a punch is pulled.
Disrespect is like a disease that spreads and eats away at what each of us needs to grow. When students feel belittled or are attacked by peers, confidence shrinks. When effort or doing what is right is met with mockery, motivation drops. Growth requires courage, and disrespect drains that courage away.
The second disease is the disease of dishonesty.
Just as a disease attacks a tree’s roots’ ability to function, dishonesty attacks a student’s ability to learn and grow.
When a student chooses to pass off work done with AI as their own, they bypass the very skills they are meant to be developing. One student cheats and gets away with it. On the surface, it looks like the student is succeeding, so another student gives it a go, but ultimately, these students are missing out on the help they need. Before long, the act of cheating becomes habitual. The students start to justify their behaviour as the gap between who they are and who they could be widens. The disease of dishonesty has set in.
Sometimes the disease of dishonesty presents itself in other strains. A student spreads a rumour which is based on a half-truth at best. Just like a disease, rumours rarely stay the same.
Rumours mutate, and when this happens, the rumour starts to resemble nothing like the truth and becomes more harmful and harder to correct by the hour.
Another way in which the disease of dishonesty presents itself is when a student lies to cover for a friend’s misdeed, thinking that somehow it will help their friend. Rather than facing the consequences of their actions and learning from it, the student’s friend starts to think they can get away with doing something similar again, only the next time the behaviour is just that little bit worse.
Before long, the student who lied to cover for their mate that first time finds themselves lying to cover for their mate multiple times. Each day they carry with them the stress, guilt and fear of being caught and the disciplinary consequence of keeping hidden their friend’s misdeeds.
The student told themselves the first time this happened that they were protecting their mate from trouble and that this is how friends look out for each other, only now they are both caught in a cycle that is harming themselves and their growth. The friend is not showing any signs of growing up because they are never finding themselves having to be accountable for their actions. The disease of dishonesty is now severely stunting the growth of both students.
Naming disrespect and dishonesty as “diseases” may sound dramatic, but it is accurate, as they infect the environment in which students need to grow.
We do not want either of these diseases in our College.
What we want instead is for students to hold each other up, helping one another to be the best they can be.
We want a school where no one stands alone but instead, we want a community where each student connects with other students and staff in healthy ways and helps to hold each other up and to grow.
What does healthy support for one another look like day to day?
Primarily, it involves being respectful and truthful to the people around you.
This could mean:
- Standing up for a classmate who needs support;
- Shutting down a rumour rather than passing it on;
- Encouraging someone who looks like they are struggling;
- Involving someone in what you are doing who appears to socially be a little on the edge;
- Being truthful about your behaviour and the conduct of your peers; or
- Congratulating someone on their effort or achievements.
These small, often unseen gestures create strong connections that allow every student in a school to grow to the highest heights, just like the Coast Redwood trees grow tall in California.
In each year group in this College and across year groups, we want to see healthy connections formed and we are committed to dealing with the disease of disrespect and dishonesty as it appears.
For all students to grow, every student needs to share this same commitment. Ultimately, we want students who are committed to respect and committed to truth.
In many ways, students learn the importance of respect and truth from an early age as they interact with parents and observe their parent’s values in action.
Dr Judith Locke, an Australian clinical psychologist, has identified respect as one of five essential skills children need for long-term success. Locke believes what she refers to as over-parenting as often what stops children from developing respect as parents “do too much” for their child which can lead to a lack of appreciation for others’ effort and a sense of entitlement.
Locke’s strategies for helping parents to foster respect largely comes down to setting firm boundaries and modelling the behaviour you expect to see. She recommends:
- Setting Clear, Unchanging Rules: Establish non-negotiable expectations for how to treat others, such as using an “inside voice” or treating other people’s belongings with care.
- Modelling Respectful Communication: Instead of shouting or using emotional appeals, use clear, calm, and direct instructions. Showing your child respect while correcting them is one of the most effective ways to teach respect.
- Addressing Disrespect Immediately: Do not let rudeness pass. If a child is disrespectful, provide an immediate, unemotional consequence. This could be a chore they must complete to “earn back” a privilege.
- Encouraging Gratitude through “Commission”: Rather than giving children everything they want as a “salary” (automatic reward), have them “on commission”. For example, if they ask for a lift to a friend’s house, ask them to bring in the washing first so they understand that your time and effort deserve respect.
- Partnering with school: Respecting a school’s authority and disciplinary actions reinforces a child’s understanding of accountability. Over-parenting, such as disputing every grade or consequence, unintentionally teaches children to disrespect the expertise of educators.
Locke warns that when parents prioritise their child’s constant happiness over everything else, they can inadvertently create a “bonsai child” who: fails to respect the boundaries or needs of others because their own needs have always been met immediately; struggles with authority figures, such as teachers, who must provide necessary correction or critique; and lacks the self-regulation required to behave respectfully when they do not get their own way. Parents may enjoy picking up and having a read or listen to Locke’s two books, The Bonsai Child and The Bonsai Student.
Equally important is the modelling of truthfulness or honesty by parents. With the best of intentions, parents can find themselves lying or “fudging the truth” for their child. It might be to protect a child from consequences for work not completed or to allow them to avoid a challenging situation. In the short term, such actions by parents may seem harmless. However, not only does the child miss out on learning necessary skills for navigating challenging situations, little by little their moral compass gets distorted. The disease of dishonesty quickly passes from one person to another with sometimes devastating long-term consequences.
Over the remainder of this year, I look forward to seeing how each student at the College grows. I believe that we see the most growth in students when the support they receive is characterised by respect and truth and I trust that all students will strive to provide this kind of support to each other, to their teachers and their parents and carers.
Mr Richard Ford
Head of College
